While the shaving is asensual experience that invites deep feelings of arousal, with Ellen,there are always issues of control or denial. The way Ellen sees it,I'm a girl now even though that's not really the case. Yes, myappearance is feminine, my mode of dress, my skin, my hair and so on.Through diet I've become slender, and through shapewear I have asomewhat defined waist. I have been taking propecia, which is doingwonders for my hair, but is also an androgen blocker. I've also beentaking herbal supplements for breast development which may be placebos,but I do have some results to show for it. Small results, but resultsnonetheless.Still, I was born male and maintain certain male libidinal desires. Inorder for our relationship to work, these desires must be controlled anddenied, indeed, it is the essence of our relationship. In her wisdom,Ellen came up with an ingenious way to suppress my masculinity duringshaving.One lazy weekend morning, a couple years ago as my feminization. 'Day off?' He jerked a thumb over his shoulder.'That's her party over there. She's leaving — going back to her village. Something to do with he mother being taken ill. We're going to miss her, but family is family. It's meant to be a leaving party with her friends but her fool of a boyfriend refused to come so she's not at her best.' Well, shit, I thought.'Gustav, take her a glass of whatever she's drinking with my compliments. I'll go over and say goodbye to her later.' He went off and a moment later I saw one of the waitresses go to the table with a glass. I sipped my wine and tried not to sulk. Suddenly everything went dark.'Guess who?''Olga, sweetheart, how can you leave me? My life's going to be empty and the food won't taste the same.' I turned round and removed her hands. She had an air of forced gaiety about her and her face was animated, but her eyes said otherwise.'Thank you for the drink, Luke. There was no need.''The least I could do. Gustav was moaning about you going.
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